


Tear in (Josh's) Heart

by Sun_And_Stars



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Angst without a happy ending, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Song fic, Unrequited, Unrequited Love, joshler - Freeform, pining!Josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5228981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sun_And_Stars/pseuds/Sun_And_Stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler is the tear in Josh's heart. Josh breaks to pieces because Tyler doesn't know, and never will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tear in (Josh's) Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Very mild gore in some parts relating to blood flow but that's about it for warnings.
> 
> Tear in My Heart lyrics belong to Twenty One Pilots
> 
> ~Sun_And_Stars

_“Which if you think about what love means, it means putting your needs before someone’s – their needs before your own.”_

Crack one is made. It’s a small one, just over the right atrium. It barely splinters or spider webs, but it’s there and it cuts deeper than it looks. It just barely licks the right coronal artery, causing blood to seep out of the wound slowly, filling his chest cavity. It’s harder to breathe for a second, knowing that even though Tyler says that, he will never realize Josh does that every day of his life. He will never realize the love he holds for him.

  Josh talks and rambled on, describing love in an abstract way. He veers off into talking about his he would let them ~~Tyler~~ have the nice pillow. Tyler knows Josh does, and Josh confesses his love for Tyler. ~~It’s not the first time, it won’t be the last.~~ Tyler just keeps going, joking around.

_He doesn’t know I mean it._

With that thought, the first crack spider webs into a second. It’s made right off the curve of crack one. It curls around the superior vena cava and pulmonary veins. His right lung is gone after that, cut off and only relying on his left for air. The aorta completely shredded, too. Its thin lines consume it completely, looking like a cobweb ~~Cobwebs and flies come out~~ that’s dripping blood over his heart the valves are severed and blood flow stops. Josh keeps joking, trying to stay afloat and keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of Tyler. 

_“So Tyler, you just got married, right?”_

Crack three stems from the bottom of crack one, enveloping the right ventricle. It squeezes it tight as he tries to cover up the pain and anxiety pooling inside him. He wonders for a second if anyone can hear the ripping sound of the muscle in his chest cavity, because he knows that he can. ~~He can feel it, too.~~

 _“It’s a cover up for Josh and I’s relationship_ ”

Crack four is where his heart begins to splinter in two. A deep gash separates the right and left sides of his heart as his anterior intorvontricular sulcus rips, leaving cuts moving into his left ventricle from the crevice that was formed.  Josh laughs, hiding the hurt that Tyler jokes about what Josh dreams of.

_“Now how do you- have you even stopped to think for a second about how this makes Josh feel?”_

No. He didn’t. Tyler laughs about it as the interviewer goes on, joking too. It’s tiring, the way that he has to put up a joking front too. But Tyler has Jenna and he loves her and he’s happy with her. He doesn’t know what being blatantly serious would do to Tyler, but he does know it _could_ ruin his happiness. Josh vows to himself to never do that. Josh buts in talking, and talks about how he thinks Jenna makes Tyler a better person and is good for his best friend. There’s a deep pang in his chest where the halves are becoming a gaping hole the more he talks. He knows he isn’t lying about what he’s saying, but is definitely jealous of it.

~~He wants to be in Jenna’s place, happily married to Tyler.~~

_“When we first met, I had gotten this new app called Tinder. And I reached out and I saw Josh.”_

Crack five is where his left ventricle is, the baby cuts from the fourth crack branching out like limbs of a tree. His great cardiac vein is slashed open from the growing tree. Josh laughs as his heart bleeds open ~~Sometimes you’re gotta bleed to know, That you’re alive and have a soul~~ , letting Tyler go off on their ‘how we met’ gag. He knows Tyler means it to make people laugh, so Josh locks away his feelings, leaving them for himself and his bleeding heart.

_"You_ _must have been jealous when he got married, right?”_

Crack six. His frail, barely beating heart can’t take much more. Its left atrium is a mess of blood, the fluid pouring down like a waterfall. His left pulmonary veins are in tatters, and he can’t breathe anymore, his left and right lungs gone. Josh has to pause a moment before he can begin his attempted reply, Tyler talking too.

_“Yeah, I don’t really-”_

_“It was a cover up for our-”_

_“I don’t want to talk about it.”_

It hurts deep in his bones the way Tyler jokes about them having a secret relationship. The way he laughs at Josh not wanting to talk about it. Him and the interviewer think he’s playing with Tyler, but he really doesn’t want to talk about it. His jealousy is deep rooted in him, festering away at his insides, stemming from his slowly cracking heart. He keeps joking because if Tyler knew, he’d be upset and that’s the last thing Josh wants.

_“A lot of people think this song is about Josh, but it’s not.”_

~~(S)He’s a butcher with a smile. Cut me farther~~

Crack seven reminds Josh of a butcher the way he slaughters his heart. Slaughter’s his shriveled heart that’s only together because he promised to keep it beating for Tyler long ago. ~~Won’t you stay alive, I’ll take you on a ride, I will make you believe you are lovely.~~ The pulmonary trunk is as cobwebbed as his areola.  He pretends the “but today it is” fixes the wound.

It doesn’t.

“ _Sometimes you gotta bleed to know, That you’re alive and have a soul, But it takes someone to come around, To show you how”_

Josh barely feels crack eight shatter what’s left of him as he listened to Tyler sing on his phone, ear buds in as he lays in his bunk of the tour bus.

_“She’s the tear in my heart, I’m alive, She’s the tear in my heart, I’m on fire, She’s the tear in my heart, Take me higher, Than I’ve ever been”_

Tyler’s the tear in his heart; his broken, bloody, shriveled, ugly thing of a heart.

_“The songs on the radio are okay, But my taste in music is your face, And it takes a song to come around, to show you how,”_

All he knows is that he doesn’t want what’s left of his heart; he’d rip it out if he could.

_“She’s the tear in my heart, I’m alive, She’s the tear in my heart, I’m on fire, She’s the tear in my heart, Take me higher, Than I’ve ever been”_

It would probably hurt less than keeping it in.

_“You fell asleep in my car I drove the whole time, But that’s okay I’ll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine. I’m driving here I sit, Cursing my government, For not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement.”_

Josh ~~can distantly feel tears rolling down his cheek as he~~ curls up tighter under his blankets, turning up the music.

_“You fell asleep in my car I drove the whole time, But that’s okay I’ll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine. I’m driving here I sit, Cursing my government, For not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement.”_

Only six hours more and they’ll be onto their last venue of the Blurryface tour.

_“Sometimes you’ve gotta bleed to know, oh, oh. That you’re alive and have a soul, oh, oh. But it takes someone to come around, to show you how,”_

Josh plans to spend those six hours listening to _Tear in My Heart_ on repeat on his music app.

_“She’s the tear in my heart, I’m alive, She’s the tear in my heart, I’m on fire, She’s the tear in my heart, Take me higher, Than I’ve ever been”_

~~He technically illegally downloaded his own music, because he wasn’t going to pay for something that he’d get the money for anyways, that’s dumb.~~

_“My heart is my armor, She’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver, she’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther than I’ve ever been I’ve ever been I’ve ever been I’ve ever been”_

He listens until he falsely believes that Tyler wrote it for him and was singing it to him.

_“My heart is my armor, She’s the tear in my heart, she’s a carver, she’s a butcher with a smile, cut me farther than I’ve ever been I’ve ever been I’ve ever been I’ve ever been”_

“I want to believe,” Josh whispers to himself, ready to go on pretending until Tyler truly leaves him once and for all. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the song, as it started up again.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments welcome!
> 
> ~Sun_And_Stars


End file.
